i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
