nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
