My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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