hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
