Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
