3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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