I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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