When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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