dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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