So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
