whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
