i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
