using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
