i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
did i walk over a car last night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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