I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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