Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
