He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Boobs are out for the taking
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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