you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
3 2 1 whiskey
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
