this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
