I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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