you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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