That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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