Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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