It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
