not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
