I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
