Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
