Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
