Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
