He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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