Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
