we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
