I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
