So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sober January is a disaster.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
