Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize