that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
