He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Bring me that man meat
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
