Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
