Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
