dude i'm inner monologue high
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
