i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize