"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
