if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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