That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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