Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
