I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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