i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
