The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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