in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
