not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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