I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
