You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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