Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
