No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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