There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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