My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
