What did we do last night that was yellow?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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