uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
