8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
bring money and cleavage
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
