Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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