Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
