i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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