I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
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My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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