I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
