$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
